A CHRISTIAN CARTOON RESOURCE
- by Jeff Larson  

Halo on too TIGHT (5/23/2013)

• Disclaimer.. This is a tongue n cheek email NOT to be taken seriously
• There may be.. threads of truth may be found but often exagerrated to the point of absurdity 
• For those of you.. that shout "AMEN" at the end of this email.. YOUR HALO MAY BE ON TOO TIGHT!! *
• Note.. no actual church was injured in the writing of this email.

You know what really bugs me about church? Well let me tell you... First off, 

The WORSHIP is contemporary with guitars and drums AND no church organ. This is ok (I guess).. BUT they rarely sing hymns. We even have a worship Sunday of gospel music but we are mostly white. Very odd indeed. To top it all off there are all them emotional  hand raiser types making it look more like a standing room only AUCTION instead of Sunday morning church.

The PASTOR seems to be well liked ( I guess), and he preaches God’s word, BUT it's about time we all hear a good ol' fashioned HELL FIRE AND DAMNATION  sermon. I mean... all this 'grace' talk week after week misses the truth EVERYONE is going to HELL if they don’t shape up and walk the straight and narrow.. like ME. 

On COMMUNION Sundays the order of the service is changed which I find all the more distracting as they forgot to sing a hymn AGAIN this week. So how can I get myself in the right frame of mind to ENJOY the blessed Lord’s sacrament. 

And.. our pastor is always pushing BAPTISM.. like God is paying him a commission for every head dunked. They even push baptism during the off season here in Minnesota when the lakes are reserved for ice fishermen.

Let me tell you about GIVING.. The pastor calls the ushers up to take the weekly offering, and says with his big friendly smile “If you are a guest, feel no obligation to give." Well how does that make us regulars feel? Talk about putting the screws to us faithful attendees. He knows what he is doing.. he is sooo manipulative!!

While on the same subject of GIVING... there is always a BUILDING PROGRAM… and he all but says THE LORD IS GOING TO TAKE HIM HOME if we can’t raise money for this new sunday school wing. Well I say.. TAKE HIM.. I am sure the local seminary can crank out another ‘CAREER MINISTER’ who never has worked a 'real job' in his life to take his place. NO BIG DEAL!

Besides, when has a church building ever saved anyone? The church forgets that it is the loving caring people like ME that saves souls!! and.. of course.. Jesus Christ.

There is so much more!! 

There are the TEEN PROGRAMS that are often more about having fun under the guise of Christianity. I would like to see any senior high so called believer pass a King James only pop quiz on the minor prophets. How do they expect to ground our youth in the love of Christ, and the weight of the 10 commandments when there focus is ALWAYS on fun? I have been a Christian my whole life and NEVER had fun, and so the quicker we pound this truth into the noggins of our teens the better. How has a FUN youth group ever prepared a teen for the real world? I will tell you how.. IT DOES NOT!! I live in the real world, and it is no picnic. Only by the grace and love of Jesus balanced with a FEAR OF ETERNAL DAMNATION do I make sense of it all. 

Then the teens are asking for support to send them on the ever popular MISSIONS TRIPS / vacations. Well I never went on a missions trip, and I turned out fine!!

Even the KIDS MINISTRIES are just glorified / sanctified baby-sitters. When I was a kid I sat in church with my dad through 3 hour sunday revival tent meetings without anyone singing 'Barney the Dinosaur loves Jesus stuff. AND you know what? Having kids in the church service is preparation for the real world. It builds character!! It builds character for the child, the parent, and even the preacher as we all persevere together. Our children are our future!.. and besides I have to sit through as pastor drones on.. so should my kids.

So you can now begin to see these issues are just the tip of the iceberg, and the church is the Titanic. We either wake up soon, or man the life boats cuz we are all headed down!! <pause> I share these thoughts only because I care.

<END OF RANT>

Blessings

Joe Christian

WOW, that was a little over the top. Let me summarize the above rant. 

1. If you are concerned I was serious.. Please note I was not and it is safe to remove me from your ‘critically in need of prayer’ lists. 
2. If you found yourself shouting "AMEN" while reading my rant.. please verify YOUR HALO IS ON TOO TIGHT. 

The good news is CHURCH is a collection of believers gathered together to worship, learn, and fellowship together.  Just like our own families we do not always agree on what we like or how we should function, BUT that is ok.

I Cor 12:12-27 speaks to the unity and diversity of the church body.  In the heart of this passage I read in verses 25-27

so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. ²⁶ If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it. Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it.

Have a great day.. smile and return to an attitude of LOVE for each other as believers in this wonderful blessing of church.  May God find us faithful in loving Him and caring for others inside and outside his church.

Jeff (ranting in the Back Pew) Larson

The Back Pew is a collection of Christian cartoons and writings sharing Clean Humor and God's Truth.  
The Back Pew believes you can have a sense of humor and still be allowed in Heaven.